Stepping into Your Power: Being S.M.A.R.T. About It
Welcome to our Marriage and Peace blog for October:
October is about asserting your independence and taking control of your life. This means recognizing and breaking free from codependency patterns in your marriage and empowering yourself and your partner to be your best versions while creating a supportive and loving relationship.
In last month’s blog, we talked about repairing and nurturing relationships within your family. This month we’ll talk about being S.M.A.R.T. about it and getting your family involved.
We Were Clueless
When Shahriar and I got married, we had no clue that we needed to do anything to foster our relationship. We’d not had any pre-marital counseling, taken communication courses, or read books about codependency. So, we argued and got prickly with each other.
How about you? Were you any better prepared to handle your relationship squabbles, resolve conflict peacefully, or communicate (not yell) your needs?
If you’re like most battle-weary wives I’ve worked with, you weren’t and didn’t.
That’s why we’re talking about stepping into your power this month using S.M.A.R.T. skills and learning how to communicate your needs better.
But first, if you haven’t already done so, take a moment to read last month’s blog, Repairing and Nurturing Relationships with Your Family: Be S.M.A.R.T About It. Pay particular attention to Step 7 because that’s where S.M.A.R.T comes in.
[HERE'S THE LINK TO SEPT’EMBER'S BLOG]
In this month’s article, we’ll focus on:
How to speak S.M.A.R.T.
How to Speak S.M.A.R.T.
In 1981, the November issue of Management Review (vol 70, issue 11) featured an article written by George Doran, Arthur Miller, and James Cunningham about S.M.A.R.T. goal setting.
S.M.A.R.T. is a mnemonic acronym that stands for:
Specific
Measurable
Achievable
Relevant
Time-bound
Although initially intended to help teams set and achieve goals, they are equally effective in helping couples and families communicate and articulate their needs.
Let’s look at the five elements of S.M.A.R.T. and see how they can apply to Step 7 in last month’s blog.
[HERE'S THE LINK TO SEPT’EMBER'S BLOG]
As you’re practicing your S.M.A.R.T. skills, remember to speak from love, be willing to discuss, and open to an outcome even better when your family gets onboard and excited about your request.
S = Specific
Requests need to be specific. State them clearly.
Example: Instead of saying, “I want us to do activities together,” be specific and say what you want: “I want us to sail together on the weekends.”
M = Measurable
Requests need to be quantifiable so you can measure it.
Example: I want us to sail together for two hours on Sunday afternoons.
A = Achievable
Requests need to be realistically achievable.
Example: “Everyone’s schedule permitting, I would love for us to sail together at least twice a month.”
R = Relevant
Requests must align with your family’s values and objectives — something that will benefit all.
Example. If getting out on the water and being active is a high priority for your family — something they enjoy doing — then going sailing is relevant.
T = Time-bound
Requests should have a deadline.
Example: “I want us to sail together at least twice a month for two hours on Sunday afternoons, starting when the kids get out of school for the summer and ending Labor Day Sunday.
And just like that, you’ve stepped into your power. You’ve clearly stated what you want and got everyone involved without fighting! Plus, you’ve modeled how to invite co-creative participation while keeping your heart open.
Being S.M.A.R.T. about Step 7 sets your family up for success in Step 8. And your family’s esprit de corps and joie de vivre will go off the charts!
[HERE'S THE LINK FOR SEPTEMBERS BLOG]
Helpful Resource
If you’d like to learn more about S.M.A.R.T. and learn how to set goals that get results, S.M.A.R.T. Goals Made Simple will help you do that.
Resource Link
Free Consultation
If you’re a battle-weary wife and you’d like a complimentary session with me to discuss ways you can implement S.M.A.R.T. to better communicate, resolve conflicts peacefully, and have the thriving marriage you’ve always wanted, I’m here for you.
Here is my scheduling link
[LINK TO BOOK YOUR COMPLIMENTARY SESSION]
May your marriage flourish and prosper this month.
