Welcome to our Marriage War and Peace blog for February

This month is all about prioritizing your relationship with yourself. And on nurturing your own needs, desires, and aspirations so you can bring all that positive energy into your marriage.

With that said, If you’re anything like me, self-love doesn’t come naturally because, for the longest time, I associated self-love with being selfish.

Then I learned the difference:

Self-love is healthy self-care, respect, and acceptance. Selfishness is self-centeredness at the expense of others. Self-love is about recognizing and valuing your needs and well-being while honoring others. Selfishness focuses on one’s own needs at the expense of others.

Which are you?

Most wives and mothers are givers. And not at all selfish by nature!

So cut yourself some slack this month and give yourself some love — it’s the foundation for cultivating healthy relationships and happy lives.

In this month’s article, I’ll share the following:

• Why it’s important to love yourself.

• Three great ways to give yourself some love.

• How to build meaningful relationship capital with your spouse.

• Soulful Leadership Retreat.

Building Relationship Capital

I recently attended a Soulful Leadership Retreat where my mentor, Debra Poneman, spoke about building relationship capital. It really resonated with me regarding this month's theme of self-love.

Here’s the kernel of truth I want to share with you:

Loving oneself is a crucial prerequisite to building healthy relationships with others. It's not just about practicing acts of self-love but embodying it in our everyday lives. When we truly love ourselves, we don't seek others to embody it for us. We already embody it for ourselves!

Embodying it daily. Don’t you just love that!?

Three Great Ways to Cultivate Self-Love

1. Practice self-care.

Self-care is a vital component of self-love. It’s a way of caring for your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Some ways to practice self-care include taking a warm bath, getting a massage, practicing yoga, or simply taking a day off from work to rest and recharge.

One of my favorite ways to practice self-care is to grab a cup of tea and call one of my soul-sista girlfriends for an uplifting and supportive chat.

2. Practice self-compassion.

Acknowledge your feelings and reframe from negative self-talk. When you hear yourself speaking critically, immediately stop and transform what you’re saying into more positive, empowering language.

Another powerful way to cultivate self-love is to treat yourself with kindness and compassion when you make a mistake or encounter a setback.

3. Set boundaries and prioritize your needs.

Show yourself some love by prioritizing your needs and setting healthy boundaries in your daily life.

This month, give yourself permission to say ‘no’ to things that don't serve you, communicate your needs and boundaries clearly with others, and take time to recharge and rejuvenate.

Prioritizing your well-being will build relationship capital with yourself.

How to Build Meaningful Relationship Capital with Your Spouse

Building relationship capital is a process that involves consistent effort and investment in your marriage.

Here are four ways to easily do that:

1. Show genuine interest and actively seek ways to help your husband achieve their goals. Whether offering support during difficult times or simply being there when they need you, show them you care.

2. Be reliable and follow through on your commitments. This demonstrates that you respect your husband’s time and trust and value your relationship with them.

3. Communicate effectively and openly with your husband. This means being honest about your needs, actively listening to their needs, and being open to feedback and constructive criticism.

4. Set healthy boundaries and respect each other's space. This is crucial to maintaining a healthy and sustainable relationship.

Tip: Building relationship capital is about adding value to your relationship without any hidden agenda. It’s about genuinely caring for your spouse and wanting to help them grow without seeking self-validation or fearing abandonment. That way, you can create a strong foundation of trust and respect in your relationship, where both parties feel supported and valued.

Resources:

1. The Amazing Brené Brown - One excellent resource for self-love is the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. I love this book! In it, Brené encourages us to embrace our imperfections and cultivate a sense of worthiness, self-compassion, and authenticity. Brené is a fantastic storyteller, and her writing is engaging and insightful.

2. Soulful Leadership Retreat -Here's the link if you’d like to attend next year’s Soulful Leadership Retreat. You can make plans to attend in person or virtually. http://soulfulleadershipretreat.com/

Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world. - Lucille Ball

May much love surround and fill you this month!