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Dealing with Guilt and Regret

October 14, 20243 min read

Today’s topic: Dealing with guilt and regret.

Welcome back to the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! Blog — your go-to guide for tackling life's challenges and relationship struggles with resilience, grace, and plenty of self-compassion.

Today, we're tackling a topic that affects so many of us battle-weary wives: Guilt and Regret.

It's time to explore how to Stop, Drop, and Roll with your guilt and regret, liberating yourself from its grip and embracing forgiveness and peace.

Before we dive into today's topic, I have some exciting news to share!

Announcement!

Mark your calendars for October 18-20, 2024, as we host the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! Bootcamp — an exclusive event designed specifically for battle-weary couples.

During this transformative weekend, we’ll uncover the 7 relationship saboteurs wreaking havoc in your marriage and explore the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Technique — a powerful method that saved my marriage and can save yours too.

This dynamic duo will help you understand the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ of your conflicts. And will equip you with practical tools to prevent escalation when tensions rise.

To learn more about this incredible opportunity, watch the video linked here.

And just in case you’re new to our Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! mini-series read about how it all began here!

How to Stop, Drop, and Roll with Your Guilt and Regret

1. Stop dwelling on past mistakes.

Guilt and regret often stem from constantly replaying past events in our minds. It's easy to get stuck in a loop of "what ifs" and "I should haves," but this only keeps the emotional wound open. The first step in overcoming guilt and regret is to stop fueling the flames by dwelling on past mistakes. The moment you catch yourself ruminating, interrupt the pattern by gently

reminding yourself that you cannot change the past, only your response to it.

2. Drop the self-blame.

Battle-weary wives dealing with guilt and regret tend to shoulder all the blame when things go wrong, even if they’re not solely responsible. The second step in dealing with guilt and regret is to drop this habit. Instead of focusing on who's at fault, shift your perspective to what can be learned. Doing so transforms guilt into a tool for personal growth rather than a weapon against yourself.

3. Roll into forgiveness and self-compassion.

Once you've stopped replaying the past and let go of self-blame, it's time to roll into forgiveness and self-compassion. The final step is to forgive yourself. This means recognizing that you are growing and worthy of your own compassionate understanding.

Speak kindly to yourself. Engage in self-care practices that nurture your emotional well-being, such as journaling, meditation, spending time in nature, or pulling an Angel card for clarity. By cultivating self-compassion, you'll be able to release the weight of guilt and regret free yourself from the shackles of the past.

All it takes is one person in the relationship to stop, drop, and roll to smother the flames. Then, when it’s time, you’ll return to the conversation feeling inner-centered, emotionally balanced, and ready to invite conversation. 

In the meantime, if the flames are getting hot and you'd like help putting them out, wives, I’m here for you. Or, if you’d like help as a couple, click here.

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Our Marriage War and Peace blog is your go-to resource for keeping you and your marriage strong and healthy by providing information and resources as you navigate the ups and downs of your marriage. And inspiration and hope if you’re battle-weary and ready to throw in the towel. 

As an attorney, family law mediator, and relationship restart specialist, I bring a unique perspective to the conversation on marriage because I’ve “been there, done that” and understand the challenges faced by those struggling in their marriages.

Veronica L. Nabizadeh, Esq., NBC-HWC

Our Marriage War and Peace blog is your go-to resource for keeping you and your marriage strong and healthy by providing information and resources as you navigate the ups and downs of your marriage. And inspiration and hope if you’re battle-weary and ready to throw in the towel. As an attorney, family law mediator, and relationship restart specialist, I bring a unique perspective to the conversation on marriage because I’ve “been there, done that” and understand the challenges faced by those struggling in their marriages.

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What Wives and Couples Are Saying

DEEPER HEALING, REAL PROGRESS

"Before working with Veronica my husband and I had spoken to other relationship therapists and did “talk” therapy. At the conclusion of each session we walked away with little insight and rarely forward momentum. After working with Veronica, I see that we are going deeper and hitting the crux of our challenges. Our sessions are practical and we have had positive impact and we’ve made true progress. Veronica helped us identify the unsustainable patterns that we unknowingly got ourselves stuck in and had been causing us very uneven happiness and closeness. After nearly 20 years of marriage, we have hope and look forward to our next 20 years."

M & S, NYC, New York

SAVED OUR MARRIAGE, HEALED OUR HEARTS

"On the brink of divorce, we had tried therapy and it didn’t work. Our marriage was a roller coaster and I felt emotionally drained every day. When I got pregnant I had to do something because I didn’t want to bring my baby into our hot mess. Veronica diagnosed was was going on in our first session! My husband and I have helped each other heal so much in our sessions with Veronica. We are a team now and it feels so good to have our son being born into a peaceful home."

K & M, Washington

NO MORE ANXIETY ATTACKS

"As a result of working with Veronica, I live in peace without anxiety or panic. I love where I live, and I work out and have taken pride in the healthy meals I prepare for myself. Veronica is the only person who has helped me achieve any lasting results. It’s been nearly 2 years since our first session and I am feeling so stable and at-peace. I cannot recommend her enough, as she changed my life."

JR, McClean, Virginia

FROM ROCK BOTTOM TO FAMILY HAPPINESS

"My marriage was in shambles and I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I was desperate for a solution that didn't involve medication. My husband refused to go to therapy with me, which left me feeling hopeless. We were constantly fighting and didn't know how to break the cycle. Since Veronica came into my life, my family is in a much better place. I no longer take my husband's behavior personally, and we're able to enjoy each other's company. I hear my kids giggle every day, and it fills me with joy. I'm forever grateful for Veronica's guidance and support."

SF, Louisiana

Curiosity replaced contention

I can't thank you enough for your insightful guidance! I'm finally starting to grasp what you mean by marriage as a spiritual practice. Now, when I'm triggered, I pause and ask myself, where is this coming from? This simple act of curiosity has helped me explore any unmet needs, whether related to my relationship with myself or past experiences. It’s incredible how this shift transforms the trigger into a more compassionate response — almost like magic! Although I still desire a compassionate, understanding, and loving partner, I've found that grounding myself in self-awareness and curiosity lessens the intensity of those triggers. Working with you has allowed me to piece together years of personal growth, and your support has helped me apply everything I’ve learned. I’m truly grateful for everything you’ve helped me discover!"

NG, Great Falls, Virginia

Bridging Hearts Through Authentic Communication

"Thank you Veronica for taking a walk with my husband and I through some very difficult times. We are a couple only married 5 years. Our love for one another runs deep but found our communication somewhat lacking in several areas and found ourselves struggling to understand each other’s viewpoint. Our marriage was getting close to dissolving even though our hearts yearned for love throughout our golden years and truly unto death do us part.

Veronica’s spiritual aspect, her true love for people, the sanctity of marriage, her knowledge base and genuine heart has made such a difference in our marriage as we began to look into one another’s history and apply tools given to us by Veronica , we began to see a difference in leaps and bounds in the right direction.Thank you Veronica! You are amazing in so many ways!!!"

J & J Soddy Daisy, TN

PERSONAL GROWTH, EMOTIONAL STABILITY

"Veronica is a master at pinning untruths and exposing the ego in the most effective way for healing relationship trauma and excelling in life in general. In just two sessions my work with her has helped me identify deeply embedded story lines I’d been living out and a pathway to getting them cleared that has exponentialized my growth and emotional stability.”

FL, New Mexico

BROADENED PERSPECTIVE, SOFTENED EXPECTATIONS

"Before working with Veronica, my wife and I had a deep love for each other, but we were having trouble communicating about certain fairly private and sensitive realities of married life. We were frustrated and unsure how to work through these issues. We have some new communication tools from working with Veronica that helped broaden our perspective, softened our expectations, and strengthened our understanding of one another significantly. Our marriage feels more aligned, and we are moving forward with greater confidence and love."

K & J, CAMPBELL, CALIFORNIA

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