Today’s topic: Saboteur #3 Being Controlling (Part 1)

When you and your spouse are fighting, and you don’t know the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ . . .  check to see which of the 7 relationship saboteurs is triggering you. 

Exciting Opportunity

Unlock the potential for transformative change in your relationship by gaining insights into all 7 relationship saboteurs. Discover how you can effectively integrate them with the groundbreaking Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! technique that I‘ve developed. 

This powerful approach is designed to bring an end to conflicts between you and your husband. Watch the video and consider joining this year's inaugural 3 Day "The Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! Turn Around For Wives" scheduled for February 16th at 6-8pm ET, 17th and 18th at 3-5pm ET. It's a unique opportunity to enhance your relationship dynamics and foster lasting harmony.

In Today’s Blog

Today, we’ll look at how being controlling manifests, what it looks like and implies, and how this relationship saboteur justifies its actions. Finally, we’ll look at what’s being triggered within you.

Next month, we’ll explore solutions and how being triggered can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.

If this is your first time reading our 7 Relationship Saboteurs mini-series, you’ll want to get up to speed on this transformative information by reading about it here.

Relationship Saboteur # 3 Being Controlling

Being controlling means attempting to get your spouse to do what you want, to change in some way, or to be how they were when you were first together.

1. How it manifests

This relationship saboteur has two ways to exert control — direct and indirect:

• Direct demands or commands.

• Indirect employs subtle manipulative tactics, such as guilt or gaslighting (making someone doubt their perception, memory, or reality).

Both try to shape or influence the other person's actions. And both erode the foundation of trust and mutual understanding while stifling personal growth, agency, and autonomy within the marriage.

2. What it looks like

• Blame-shifting

• Denial

• Discounting

• Domineering

• Guilt-tripping

• Justifying

• Minimizing
  

3. What it implies

• Your feelings don’t matter.

• Your point of view isn’t important.

• Your ideas aren’t valued.
  

4. How it justifies its actions

• “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

• “That didn’t happen.”

• “You’re the one who . . .”

• “You’re overreacting.”

• “Nothing I do is ever good enough for you.”

• “I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.”

5. What’s being triggered within you

An old emotional injury from the past is being triggered within you. It’s activating now so you can examine the wound and evolve past it into the wise adult you’re meant to be. 

If you’re inclined to be controlling, it's crucial to understand that this behavior often arises from a need to protect something about yourself. It might be rooted in insecurities, a fear of loss, or a desire for security. It could also come about if you're trying to preserve your vision of the relationship and fear change.

When possible, strive to find common ground with your spouse with shared values and genuine connection, steering clear of a communication style marked by manipulation and coercion.

 
Next month, we’ll explore solutions to this relationship saboteur and look at how triggering can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.

In the meantime, if you’re dealing with a spouse acting out relationship saboteur #3 (being controlling) and you’d like some support, I'm here for you.