Welcome to Part 2 of Relationship Saboteur #3!

Today’s topic: The 7 Relationship Saboteur #3: Being Controlling (Part 2)

Welcome to Part 2 of Relationship Saboteur #3!

Exciting Opportunity

Unlock your relationship's potential for transformative change by gaining insights into all 7 Relationship Saboteurs. Discover how to effectively integrate them with the groundbreaking Stop, Drop, Roll, Baby! Technique that I've developed.

This powerful approach is designed to bring an end to conflicts between you and your husband. Watch the video and consider joining our next Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! Turnaround scheduled for April 19 - 21. It's a unique opportunity to enhance your relationship dynamics and foster lasting harmony.

In Today’s Blog

Today, we’ll explore solutions and discuss ways to get a handle on being controlling. 

If you’ve not already read Part 1, I recommend doing so before continuing (it will only take a few minutes), since this blog is a continuation of last month’s blog.

And, if this is your first time reading our 7 Relationship Saboteurs mini-series, and you’re wondering what this mini-series is all about, you can get up to speed by reading about it here.

Why Being Controlling Hurts So Much

Controlling behavior often involves restricting your spouse's autonomy and freedom, leading to resentment, frustration, and bitterness. And over time, it will erode trust in your marriage and the connection between you and your spouse and lead to tension and conflict.  

Solutions

Addressing controlling behavior requires a combination of self-reflection, open communication, and a commitment to positive change. Here are some suggestions for those exhibiting controlling behavior:

• Self-reflection

Identify the underlying fears or insecurities that are driving your need for control. Reflecting on past experiences or traumas contributing to your controlling behavior is helpful.

• Increase your emotional intelligence

Learn to recognize and accept your emotions without needing to control them while building empathy for your spouse's perspective. Increasing your emotional intelligence will go a long way to foster more compassionate interactions.

• Improve your communication skills

Learn how to communicate and assert your needs and concerns without resorting to control. While doing that, actively listen, pay attention to your spouse's viewpoint, and validate their feelings.

• Set realistic expectations
  

Recognize that nobody, including yourself, is perfect. Allow room for mistakes and growth.

• Seek support

Controlling behavior begins small and gradually progresses. Professional assistance can be valuable in figuring out the ‘what’ behind the ‘why’ and fostering a healthier communication style with your wife.

If you’re the one affected by controlling behavior, here are some suggestions:

• Establish boundaries

Clearly express your limits and expectations in your marriage and consistently reinforce and uphold your boundaries.

• Use “I” statements

Share your feelings and concerns with your spouse by using "I" statements. Do that by framing your concerns in terms of your own feelings and experiences to avoid placing blame on your husband.

• Take responsibility for your actions

Demonstrate and express your ability to make decisions and take responsibility for your actions. And encourage your spouse to do the same. 

• Seek support

Consider individual therapy or coaching to help cope with the emotional and psychological impact of controlling behavior.

If you’re in a physically abusive relationship the above suggestions do not apply to you. Clinical psychologist Terry Real warns: “never speak truth to power.” It’s not safe. Instead, seek professional help to deal with your situation. 

All it takes is one person in the relationship to understand what’s going on and turn inward for healing, to transform their relationship from battle-weary to thriving strong. 

In the meantime, if you’re dealing with a spouse who’s being controlling and you’d like some support, I'm here for you.