Today’s topic: Saboteur #7 Need to be Right (Part 2) 

Before we delve into today's topic, I'm excited to present an opportunity that promises insight into the underlying reasons behind the conflicts you and your husband are experiencing. 

Exciting Opportunity 

Mark your calendars for October 18-20, 2024, as we host the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby! Bootcamp — an exclusive event designed specifically for battle-weary couples. 

During this transformative weekend, we’ll uncover the 7 relationship saboteurs wreaking havoc in your marriage and explore the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Technique — a powerful method that saved my marriage and can save yours too. 

This dynamic duo will help you understand the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ of your conflicts. And will equip you with practical tools to prevent escalation when tensions rise. To learn more about this incredible opportunity, watch the video linked here. 

 
In Today’s Blog 

Today, we’ll explore solutions and discuss ways to get a handle on relationship saboteur #7: need to be right. We’ll also look at how triggering can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred practice. 

If you’ve not already read Part 1, I recommend doing so before continuing (it will only take a few minutes), since this blog is a continuation of last month’s blog. 

And, if this is your first time reading our 7 Relationship Saboteurs mini-series, and you’re wondering what this mini-series is all about, you can get up to speed by reading about it here. 

Why Needing to Be Right Hurts So Much 

The need to be right in a marriage can cause deep emotional damage by prioritizing winning over connection. This relationship saboteur erodes trust, creates distance, breeds resentment, stifles vulnerability, and hinders resolution. Over time, this lack of emotional connection drives a deep wedge between you and your husband, making it hard to restore intimacy and understanding. 
 

Solutions 

Addressing the need to be right requires a shift in mindset from competition to collaboration.  
By focusing on understanding rather than winning, you can create a more supportive and compassionate environment in your marriage.  
 
Here are some practical solutions to help break the cycle of needing to be right: 

• Practice active listening 
  Focus on understanding your spouse’s perspective rather than preparing your rebuttal. 

• Embrace vulnerability 
  Be willing to admit when you’re wrong or don’t have all the answers. Vulnerability builds trust. 

• Prioritize connection over winning 
  Shift your goal from being right to resolving conflict and maintaining emotional closeness. 

• Use “I” statements 
  Express your feelings and needs without blaming or invalidating your spouse’s perspective. 

• Take breaks during heated moments  
  Step away and cool down when emotions escalate before resuming the conversation with a clearer mind. Use my signature Stop, Drop, and Roll Technique to de-escalate tension.  

• Seek compromise  
  Focus on finding the middle ground where both of you feel understood and respected. 

• Acknowledge your spouse’s valid points 
  Recognizing where your spouse is right fosters mutual respect and cooperation.  

Marriage as a Sacred Practice 

What happens when you're triggered? 

You can either adopt a defensive stance, erect barriers around yourself or internalize the situation, attributing blame solely to yourself and succumbing to self-criticism. 

However, there's a third, more healthy approach.  

If you see your marriage as a sacred practice, then you understand that whatever has been triggered is nothing more than an old emotional injury from the past. If you can say "thank you" for the triggering event and use it as an opportunity to heal your past injury, then you can evolve past it and emerge as the wise and loving adult you’re meant to be.

All it takes is one person in the relationship to understand what’s going on and turn inward for healing, transforming their relationship from battle-weary to thriving strong.

In the meantime, if you’re dealing with a spouse acting out relationship saboteur #5 (retaliation) and you’d like some support, wives, I'm here for you. Or, if you’d like help as a couple, click here.