Marriage
War
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Peace
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Before we delve into today's topic, I'm excited to present an opportunity that promises insight into the underlying reasons behind the conflicts you are experiencing with your husband.
Exciting Opportunity
On June 28-30 I’m hosting the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby!™ Turnaround weekend — an exclusive event designed exclusively for battle-weary wives that you’ll want to attend!
During this empowering event, I'll unveil the 7 relationship saboteurs wreaking havoc in your marriage and dive deeper into the revolutionary Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby!™ Technique — a method born out of my battle-weary experience.
This powerful approach is designed to uncover the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ of your fighting and end conflicts between you and your husband. To learn more about his exciting opportunity, watch the video linked here.
When you and your spouse are fighting, and you don’t know the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ . . . check to see which of the 7 relationship saboteurs is triggering you.
In today’s blog, we’ll look at how Retaliation manifests, what it looks like and implies, and how this bad boy relationship saboteur justifies its actions. Finally, we’ll look at what’s being triggered within you.
Next month, we’ll explore solutions and look at how being triggered can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.
If this is your first time reading our 7 Relationship Saboteurs mini-series, you’ll want to get up to speed on this transformative information by reading about it here.
Being defensive means responding to a complaint, often with anger, in a defensive manner by explaining or excusing what happened.
This relationship saboteur can take various forms, including but not limited to verbal attacks, withholding affection, manipulation, or engaging in behaviors intended to cause distress or discomfort.
Verbal attacks:
“I can’t stand being around you anymore.”
“You’re so pathetic.”
“You’re worthless.”
Passive-aggressive behavior:
Deliberately procrastinating on tasks that effect you
Making critical remarks disguised as a joke
The silent treatment
Withholding affection:
Avoiding hugs, kisses, holding hands
Being emotionally distant or unavailable
Getting the cold-shoulder
Rejecting or avoiding sexual intimacy
Engaging in actions intended to cause emotional distress:
Emotional blackmail
Gaslighting
Guilt-tripping
Ignoring
Isolating
You’re not worthy of respect.
Your side of the story doesn’t matter.
You’re unimportant within the marriage.
Your feelings don’t matter.
"I was just joking, you're too sensitive."
"You provoked me."
"You blew things out of proportion."
"You overreacted."
“You knew I was already stressed/tired/overwhelmed.”
"You hurt me, now I get to hurt you back"
"Now we're even"
If you're on the receiving end of these exchanges, it's only natural to want to retaliate by launching your salvo of relationship saboteurs at your spouse. However, before you do that, understand that retaliation as a relationship saboteur is an immature way of handling hurt feelings. The part of you being triggered is an old emotional injury from the past. It's triggering you now so you can examine the wound and evolve past it into the wise adult you're meant to be.
Next month, we’ll explore solutions to this relationship saboteur and look at how triggering can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.
All it takes is one person in the relationship to understand what’s going on and turn inward for healing, to transform their relationship from battle-weary to thriving strong.
In the meantime, if you’re dealing with a spouse acting out relationship saboteur #5 (retaliation) and you’d like some support, wives, I'm here for you. Or, if you’d like help as a couple, click here.
"Before working with Veronica my husband and I had spoken to other relationship therapists and did “talk” therapy. At the conclusion of each session we walked away with little insight and rarely forward momentum. After working with Veronica, I see that we are going deeper and hitting the crux of our challenges. Our sessions are practical and we have had positive impact and we’ve made true progress. Veronica helped us identify the unsustainable patterns that we unknowingly got ourselves stuck in and had been causing us very uneven happiness and closeness. After nearly 20 years of marriage, we have hope and look forward to our next 20 years."
-M & S, New York
"On the brink of divorce, we had tried therapy and it didn’t work. Our marriage was a roller coaster and I felt emotionally drained every day. When I got pregnant I had to do something because I didn’t want to bring my baby into our hot mess. Veronica diagnosed was was going on in our first session! My husband and I have helped each other heal so much in our sessions with Veronica. We are a team now and it feels so good to have our son being born into a peaceful home."
-K & M, Washington
"As a result of working with Veronica, I live in peace without anxiety or panic. I love where I live, and I work out and have taken pride in the healthy meals I prepare for myself. Veronica is the only person who has helped me achieve any lasting results. It’s been nearly 2 years since our first session and I am feeling so stable and at-peace. I cannot recommend her enough, as she changed my life."
-JR, Virginia
"My marriage was in shambles and I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I was desperate for a solution that didn't involve medication. My husband refused to go to therapy with me, which left me feeling hopeless. We were constantly fighting and didn't know how to break the cycle. Since Veronica came into my life, my family is in a much better place. I no longer take my husband's behavior personally, and we're able to enjoy each other's company. I hear my kids giggle every day, and it fills me with joy. I'm forever grateful for Veronica's guidance and support."
-SF, Louisiana
"Veronica's approach was unique: she aimed to assist 'conscious couples' like us who wanted a harmonious, child-focused resolution. We found her process educational and empowering; she shattered our notion that divorce has to be a battlefield. Her skillful facilitation accommodated our hectic lives, making continuous progress seem effortless."
-M & D, Florida
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