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7 Relationship Saboteurs Retaliation Part 1 

May 06, 20243 min read

Today’s topic: Relationship Saboteur #5 –

Retaliation (Part 1) 

Before we delve into today's topic, I'm excited to present an opportunity that promises insight into the underlying reasons behind the conflicts you are experiencing with your husband.

Exciting Opportunity

On June 28-30 I’m hosting the Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby!™ Turnaround weekend — an exclusive event designed exclusively for battle-weary wives that you’ll want to attend!

During this empowering event, I'll unveil the 7 relationship saboteurs wreaking havoc in your marriage and dive deeper into the revolutionary Stop, Drop, and Roll, Baby!™ Technique — a method born out of my battle-weary experience.

This powerful approach is designed to uncover the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ of your fighting and end conflicts between you and your husband. To learn more about his exciting opportunity, watch the video linked here.

In Today’s Blog

When you and your spouse are fighting, and you don’t know the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’ . . .  check to see which of the 7 relationship saboteurs is triggering you. 

In today’s blog, we’ll look at how Retaliation manifests, what it looks like and implies, and how this bad boy relationship saboteur justifies its actions. Finally, we’ll look at what’s being triggered within you.

Next month, we’ll explore solutions and look at how being triggered can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.

If this is your first time reading our 7 Relationship Saboteurs mini-series, you’ll want to get up to speed on this transformative information by reading about it here.

Relationship Saboteur #5 Retaliation

Being defensive means responding to a complaint, often with anger, in a defensive manner by explaining or excusing what happened. 

1. How it manifests

This relationship saboteur can take various forms, including but not limited to verbal attacks, withholding affection, manipulation, or engaging in behaviors intended to cause distress or discomfort.

2. What it looks like

  • Verbal attacks:

    “I can’t stand being around you anymore.”
     “You’re so pathetic.”
    “You’re worthless.”

  • Passive-aggressive behavior:

    Deliberately procrastinating on tasks that effect you
    Making critical remarks disguised as a joke
    The silent treatment

  • Withholding affection:

    Avoiding hugs, kisses, holding hands
    Being emotionally distant or unavailable
    Getting the cold-shoulder
    Rejecting or avoiding sexual intimacy

  • Engaging in actions intended to cause emotional distress:

    Emotional blackmail
    Gaslighting
    Guilt-tripping
    Ignoring
    Isolating


3. What it implies

  • You’re not worthy of respect.

  • Your side of the story doesn’t matter.

  • You’re unimportant within the marriage.

  • Your feelings don’t matter.


4. How it justifies its actions

  • "I was just joking, you're too sensitive."

  • "You provoked me."

  • "You blew things out of proportion."

  • "You overreacted."

  • “You knew I was already stressed/tired/overwhelmed.”

  • "You hurt me, now I get to hurt you back"

  • "Now we're even"

5. What’s being triggered within you

If you're on the receiving end of these exchanges, it's only natural to want to retaliate by launching your salvo of relationship saboteurs at your spouse. However, before you do that, understand that retaliation as a relationship saboteur is an immature way of handling hurt feelings. The part of you being triggered is an old emotional injury from the past. It's triggering you now so you can examine the wound and evolve past it into the wise adult you're meant to be.

Next month, we’ll explore solutions to this relationship saboteur and look at how triggering can be a transformative moment for yourself and within your marriage as a sacred act.

All it takes is one person in the relationship to understand what’s going on and turn inward for healing, to transform their relationship from battle-weary to thriving strong. 

In the meantime, if you’re dealing with a spouse acting out relationship saboteur #5 (retaliation) and you’d like some support, wives, I'm here for you. Or, if you’d like help as a couple, click here

In the name of Love, Veronica

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Our Marriage War and Peace blog is your go-to resource for keeping you and your marriage strong and healthy by providing information and resources as you navigate the ups and downs of your marriage. And inspiration and hope if you’re battle-weary and ready to throw in the towel. 

As an attorney, family law mediator, and relationship restart specialist, I bring a unique perspective to the conversation on marriage because I’ve “been there, done that” and understand the challenges faced by those struggling in their marriages.

Veronica L. Nabizadeh, Esq., NBC-HWC

Our Marriage War and Peace blog is your go-to resource for keeping you and your marriage strong and healthy by providing information and resources as you navigate the ups and downs of your marriage. And inspiration and hope if you’re battle-weary and ready to throw in the towel. As an attorney, family law mediator, and relationship restart specialist, I bring a unique perspective to the conversation on marriage because I’ve “been there, done that” and understand the challenges faced by those struggling in their marriages.

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